cityxofxglass

I wish I was doing 1 of 100 other things I would rather be doing then studying.
I cannot concentrate!

I am reading this photo shop tutorial, that I keep trying to stop reading, and the guy writing it mentioned a few times that if you had a graphic tablet a few of the steps would be a lot easier.

Not only do I want to do the tutorial to learn more but I want a graphic tablet!!

I think out of the few expensive things I want, the graphic tablet is a really good idea, however every person I have expressed my interests to about this has given me doubtful thoughts. I am pretty confident it will do what I am hoping it to do, and if it doesn't, I will take that bitch back!

ohh and I want to do some other projects! After I finished studyin' yesterday I went and bought a leather engraver. I am kind of interested how that small investment will work out. I have tons of ideas, just haven't justified messin' with it just yet because my finals are really crammed into Monday and Tuesday.

Aka tomorrow and the next.

I am probably the most apathetic about these last few because I am ready for them to be done already... Sucks to say I hardly met any cool people this semester. I had wishful thinking when I went in at the beginning of the semester and shortly came to the conclusion that it wasn't happening this semester.

The good thing is, that's perfectly fine with me! Just makes me less likely to stick around class














OHHH... all those letters up there. up there ^^^^, yeah, that's old, it was saved in my drafts when I signed in. I think it has been there a few days, I do that all the time.
I didn't feel it would hurt anything to NOT delete and just kinda hit enter a few times as if it wasn't even there.
I haven't written too much in here because of a compilation of reasons...

I am thinking about switching to a new blog spot...

I think it will help with a "fresh" start since 2010 is just around the corner.
Later tonight I will explain more but a have a few new years resolutions I would really like to keep in focus for the year to come and not let is fall by the way side.

but right now I need to be study study studyin! I am just so nervous, I am trying to procrastinate.

Maybe I will procrastinate more after I feel like I have it down more and post later.

It felt simple, real, fun…

That's how I would like my life to be, and why not?


works in progress.

Tonight I plan to do some writing, right now I am having what seems to be a typical Monday...
I have some ideas...
some confusions...
let me not forget frustrations...
I will indulge later tonight.

Until then! Let me leave you with something, I believe I am gonna do a bunch of stuff with birds this season.

This picture makes me happy for  two reasons.
1Adam.
2makinmecraveveggiehotdogwveggiechilli/orveggiebbqsandwhich from Jo's

Okay, i might be a little hungry, the past few days have left me exhausted and apathetic to do much...

However, I feel really good today.
really good-want to do a million productive/fun thing- good.

I have the urge.
motivation.craving.tinkering.
the ambition...

This is how I want to/should feel everyday.

Just wanted to give a shout out about Movember.



To create awareness for prostate and testicular cancer.

Movember.

Grow out your stache.

movember.com

Beautiful day out.

Shall we try this again?

I am not sure what is in store, anymore.

I wrote this Sunday but I wasn't sure if I wanted to post it.
sigh. I dislike that feeling, the need to censor. 
I am posting it though.
Its honest...
And that is something I don't  feel the need to argue with.

Even though I know I am not going to have children for a long time, that doesn't mean I am completely clueless when it comes to em.
In my Human Growth and Development class we have discussed the parenting aspect, watched videos and gone over studies on child rearin'. I think a continuing problem that I see is this over bearing need for control.

Yesterday, I took Razzamatazz to the dog park, I found myself getting frustrated because he still hasn't picked up on fetching (I think that ship has sailed) and he damn sure wasn't taking any pictures with me (both are things I attempt to tackle on a daily basis).  Of course I try but I am never over bearing, I realized before hand that I need to chill the fuck out. If it isn't Razz's thing, then it simply isn't. I don't want to control exactly what my dog does, I just want to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. 

Sigh. Then there is you, and unlike children and animals who don't intentionally know better, you do.

I cannot control you, nor do I want to. I can't find the satisfaction/joy in it at all.


That is what I love about life, the surprises and lack of control. I can plan all day long about how I'd like things to go or what I would like to do, however, shit happens! I know that when ever I am daydreaming it is all a broad outline and shit just won't land where I intend it to, in my favor or not.

I guess you could say that I am a sucker for surprises,
however I am not a fan of deceit and deception.

In the moment you claim so much.
to be born again but then you cannot even confront your problems.
In the moment I made haste demands, 
but they aren't irrational.
You agree, yet never follow through.
I try my best to understand what the point is to all this
I chuckle, reluctantly. That is all I can do at this point.
I am tired of being upset over it.

I am tired of feeling unattractive because of all of it,
I am tired of the distrust when I am doing nothing to provoke any of this behavior.
I am tired of worrying
I am tired of the feeling I get when you hurt me,
Oh! and when you continue to lie about it, I am tired of that feeling too.

Can't stop thinking about the beach...
If I could do anything right now I would probably cliff jump, deep into the ocean. 
Oh Black Rock!
I'd like to feel some adrenaline riding through me again, soon.

and I am up for suggestions.

the sensation of your fingers walking across my back...
mmmm it was perfect.
I want this, bad.
There is no other feeling as good as being in love.

I feel like a load has been lifted off of me after being honest about everything.

I can finally think in the first time in a long time without having these nasty thoughts cloud my head.

I am going to attempt some homework before I attempt an entry, just had to make note of the relief...

I'll write plenty later

That's me.
I wish when this weather was upon us I had a plan.
A place, people, agenda. snap.snap.snap
But I don't and I am alone.
I decided to keep it real.
I am just bored, procrastinating...

I haven't cried since you torn up my insides..
the beginning of the weak.
I am finishing on a good beat.
The kind that flows through your body,
filled with excuses to refute everything but the rhythm.
I thought we we're on that same balance?
I am trying to find a balance.

something is still missing-
I have a feeling the repetition
the attention
the lies you hide
is comfort you seek.

Through all of your current deceit,
I hope you are fixing things for us,
not for yourself.